If you could change one important thing about your home town, what would you change? TOEFL Essay

This is an essay I wrote in 2005 which is about 6 years ago. I found this essay is not good for American people, but it might good for people in my country. This is because Americans always need to read clear statement. They cannot understand anything that we use for comparing. If I write the essay as you can see below here, they will think you write the poem.

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2005 ESSAY
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If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change?

Someone tries to know which pieces of body make a man not like a robot, but he has never known about it. Now, everybody is limited by everything all around him and can’t change it to be something, he wants.

Society and many people build a fitted frame for themselves. They can make their activities only in it. For a baby who doesn’t know everything and must accept his condition which he can’t choose, the baby may hate to be and against when he grows up. Somebody wanted to be this baby but they didn’t have bravery enough and walk along the ancient street. In the other hand, if everybody changes his way from the customs, no need the laws, no need the society, the world will have wars, wars and wars.

The laws for democracy government writes the citizen have their rights and wrong when they overlap the others’ rights. Why don’t your rights like in laws? Because of your silence and un-claim so you are encage forever. The man of the freedom or the man who used to have his freedom in the past cannot agree with his new frame. He can call it, “your frame” not, “my frame”. Everybody has to trust him, give him to his new freedom and hasn’t to obstruct him because he isn’t in his rights. He’s still a friend who has never forgotten the kindness of every friend. He will take leave of his friend with escorting happiness.

The misunderstanding of the people will clear when the sun shines is above them replaces the old frame. The man cannot compare with the robot so long as the needs the freedom.

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