Cite this journal as: Eden, S. W. (2018). Give me a good reason to leave my job, please. Retrieved from http://sw-eden.net
I just found myself become more selfish than the last 6 years. I was a Thai students who graduated in New York and finish a Master degree at Sydney. I went back to Thailand 6 years ago, and became a lecturer in a large university in Thailand. My goal was to provide the knowledge to my students and to have some free time to write my own novel.
The first year of being a university lecturer in Thailand is like a heaven. I got some free time to write the beginning part of my own novel. I got a chance to bring my students to go outside the classroom. I let them take the photos in the important places in Bangkok, and sometimes, I asked them to draw Thai temples.
The first year passed so fast. Everything changed in the secend year. I have to teach 7 days a week. I got no free time. I have to travel to another far-away campus to give a class. They also forced people to continue study in the doctoral degree. I have to go to school again, but in Thailand. I registered for 2 classes in one semester, but I had to teach 30 hours a week.
I had no more time to prepare my teaching at that moment. I did not correct and provide the suggesting in my students’ worksheet as I had done before. I felt really bad. My graduate school is about 3-hour far from my workplace. I had to run around 3 places each week. They said that if the employees did not continue the education, they would fire us so soon.
While I work so hard and had lack of free time, I compare myself to someone else in the same school. Like, one of my close friend, he has a lot of free time. He asked me to go to see movie with him, and to join his lunch and dinner. I think it is a good thing. He is a friendly one, but I got no time to do all those things. Not just only him, who can do many stuffs. Some also work outside the school. They have secret jobs in other private companies and earn a lot of money.
Moreover, these people got a higher evaluation score than me. Many got a higher salary than me. I began to feel that the life is unfair. I could see that my attitude is changed. I want to do thing for myself more than before. My dream has not been completed yet. I spent too much time for the university, without getting things I actually need. Those people in the higher position keep saying that this university is the university of happiness. However, for me, it is not. My happiness is when I got enough time for my family and for writing my own novel. I do not have both yet. Although I have dinner with my family, but In think I should have spent more day time with them, not just at night.
Those people think that to have a happiness is to work hard to push the university to be in the highest place in the world. They want to see the university being one of the top ten of the country. They believe that if we got into that ranking, everyone will be proud and happy. That is the definition of the happiness they believe. That is not the happiness I need. I need my time. I need to be someone I have dreamed to be. I want to be a cool author who write a famous novel. I want to be a cool artist being known in a specific group of people. My dream does not got walked yet. What should I do then?