Autumn at Formdam University
My third visit of New York state was in 2005. I went to a language school, Marymount College of Fordam University at Tarrytown. It is only one month course. I went to a church which was not Christian church with my Korean friends. They wrote a big text, “God is Good and Good is God”. I can remember my dirty thought so well. I listened to many anti-christ and Satanic music at that time, like Black Metal and Marilyn Manson. The words that popped up in my head were, “God eat God” (a song of Marilyn Manson) and “Guns are Good” (a song of Genitorturers). Right now, it is the time to determine, that we should act for love or for hate. Although Marilyn Manson had million reasons to hate his God, he still shew his pessimistic idea. Twiggy Ramirez or Jeordie White also said in the interview of The High End of Low, that the time of anti-christ was when they were so young. The least of all lives, people just want to be happy. The real anti-christ people do things too much serious which are not good for themselves, and the fake anti-christ people did things just for commercial.
Sw Eden’s painting at a walkway in Marymount College, Fordam University, Terrytown
I went back to Thailand, and went to New York again in January 2006. I took language and Mathematics classes in that Spring semester. Fiaye, my friend in Math class, became my close so fast. She was very friendly. She searched for a Thai Christian church for me to join. She brought me there about 2-3 weeks, and she had to go back to her church. I studied Bible at Thai church at Yonker about one year. I was not quite nice, because I might betray them. It becomes my pain right now. If I or anyone is not head into any religion, we just should not pretend to take the knowledge from them, and create other things back to them. I did love Satan during that age. I had too much knowledge from Bible, and I read it reverse and translated it to be anti-god subjects. They were posted in my Marilyn Manson Thai Webboard in 2006, and I removed all of them in 2009.
Fiaye gave me an album of Christian songs, and I have still listened to them until now. They are brighter and lighter than Satanism songs. You may have heard Black Metal lyrics or logos. They are so dark actually. I had liked them once at my dark age, but I have changed. You can find a lot of free and legal MP3 to download at SoundClick.com and many kinds of bands are there! They are good examples to describe what the Black Metal religion is.
I know an old woman who joined that Thai church after me. She told her real story that she had a son, and she loved him so much. She sent him to a good school in Australia. She did everything for his future and his happiness. Sadly, her son died. She felt very sorry. She told us that she gave everything for her son, but the only thing that she forgot to give him was the most important thing, that was to let him know Lord God. Her words hit my mind then.
God is Brightness, painting of Sw Eden
Many people do love God, and have a good wish. My fault was I hated God at that time. 2008-2009, I have realized that I will be happy just when the whole world is happy. Whatever they believe, it is their right, and it makes them nice, and it makes me happy. Christian is not harmful religion, but Satanism might do. I cannot say that what the real Satanism is, because it may be good thing; but in this world, people who worship Satan always believe and they are bad side, and that is the reason that some of them do bad things.
I love to see all religions in the world can be together without any fighting or trying to be better than others. Some country use the religious to make a war, but the real reason is about territory and money.
Some friends in the church said that I would be survival only if I believed in God, and I did not have to be a nice guy. It was the reason that I did not like Christian at that time, too. Nowadays, when I stand above myself at that age, I can remember many good teaching in Bible very well. Christian or Catholic is not only to love God, but you need to be nice, too. At least, you cannot be selfish to your neighbor.
Nothing in the world is solid bad. Everything has a good part in itself, if just you can find it. Today, you can look at your hated friends, they will have many things for you to learn.
(cc) 2009 – Sw Eden